Skydiving for 'Mind'

I know I have already posted the video of my skydive, but I didn't write much about it, so here is a bit more about my experience and why I did it!

On October 22^nd 2011, I did a sponsored skydive at Redlands Airfield close to London. Deciding which charity to do it for was quite a simple choice as ‘Mind’ – the mental health charity – is one very close to me.  Mental health is something I have been aware of from a very young age; my granddad had  Alzheimer’s (dementia), a friend was hospitalized with Bi-polar disorder (manic depression), and another friend with severe depression went missing nearly two months ago, and hasn’t been seen since. I think all these experiences have helped to shape my career path of wanting to become a clinical psychologist.

‘Mind’ helps people take control of their mental health, and every year they work with around 250, 000 people. One in four people are likely to experience a mental health problem, so ‘Mind’ aim to raise awareness and promote good metal health for the benefit of all members of society. 

They run many campaigns, and through these they push for those who influence change to work with ‘Mind’ to bring about improved services, better legislation,  protection of legal rights, and a more accepting attitude among employers. They also offer two confidential mental health information services, so that people can easily get help if they are worried about themselves or someone else. 

I don’t know how I came up with the idea of doing a skydive, it just popped into my head and I began to research it. When I first decided on doing one, I don’t think I realised what I was letting myself in for! I didn’t really think about it too much, it was only when I watched a video online of someone else doing one that I realised how crazy the idea was. But I thought that it had to be something very scary in order to be worthy of sponsorship! As the weeks went by, and the day drew nearer I became more and more nervous – there was no going back though as I couldn’t let everyone down!

When the day came, I arrived at the airfield with my family, had some training, and then before I knew it I was getting dressed into the jumpsuit and walking towards the TINY plane. To be honest once I was up in the air, things didn’t seem too bad and I was more excited than nervous. The scariest bit was probably seeing the other girl jump out before me – she just disappeared so quickly (unsurprisingly!). Then it was my turn, and I edged towards the door, attached to my instructor. We were sat on the very edge, and then we moved forward more until I was actually hanging off the plane. After a count of three my instructor pushed us from the plane and we free fell. It was the most amazing feeling ever! It all happened so quickly, and after thirty seconds the parachute went up and we slowed down dramatically. I then had 5 minutes to take in the beautiful views as we slowly drifted to the ground.

It was the most amazing experience and I would really recommend it for anyone who is able to do it! I felt so proud of myself and what I had achieved, and most importantly I raised over £500 for ‘Mind’!

Visit: www.mind.org.uk






Here is the video... enjoy!

A Few Inspiring Quotes

"If you don't stand for something, you will fall for anything" - Unknown

"Nothing is predestined: the obstacles of your past can become the gateways that lead to new beginnings" - Ralph Blum

"It is our attitude at the beginning of a difficult task which, more than anything else, will affect its successful outcome" - William James

"It is better to light a candle than curse the darkness" - Unknown

These are a few of my favourite quotes and I think that they have the potential to be very powerful. If you just read them all now, you probably will have forgotten them in a few hours time. So, I encourage you to chose your favourite one and write it down. Put it somewhere obvious - where you will see it often - and then maybe it will remind you, and help you in those steps towards a more positive lifestyle. 

Attention Test!

A few weeks ago, my friend showed me this video. It amazed me, so I thought I would share it with you too! See how much attention you pay to things...

Let me know how you did!!

A Trip To Visit Auschwitz...

Last Thursday, for the second part of the 'Lessons from Auschwitz Project' run by the Holocaust Educational Trust, I and around 200 other young people went on a day trip to Poland to learn first-hand about the horrors of the Holocaust.

The week before, we had all attended a 4 hour seminar in London, where we examined pre-war Jewish life and heard a testimony from a Holocaust survivor. I found his story incredibly moving. We hear the statistics of 6 million Jews having been killed during the Holocaust, but I always found it impossible to comprehend. When I heard this first-hand, personal account of what he experienced during his time in the concentration camps, it made me remember that each person was an individual, murdered or put through hell purely because of what they believed. 

It was a very early start for us all on Thursday 10th November, as we had to be at Gatwick Airport at 5am. When we arrived in Poland at Krakow Airport we had a one hour coach journey to the town of  Oświęcim. It is located on two rivers, the Sola and Vistula, and on a major railway junction, where the lines converge from Warsaw, Berlin, Prague and Vienna. Most people will have probably never heard of this town but they will be familiar with the Germanised name of Auschwitz. For the past 60 years the inhabitants of the town have lived alongside the former camp whose name has become synonymous with the Holocaust. Despite a number of  Jewish survivors returning to Oświęcim after the war, there are no Jews living in the town today. 

Here we visited a Jewish Cemetery. The gravestones had previously been ripped up and used as paving, however locals have put it back together the best that they could. I found it sad that we didn't know which gravestone belonged to which grave, or even where exactly each grave was. We learnt about the different symbols on the gravestones, and their meaning. For example, a symbol of two hands meant that the person was a priest, or a broken tree symbolised a young life being cut short. At night the cemetery has to be locked up as vandalism is still a big problem. 

From here we went on to Auschwitz I. As we entered, we saw the sign made by the prisoners which says "Arbeit macht frei" meaning work brings freedom. The outside of all the buildings were left exactly as they had been during the war, however inside things had been changed to suit the tourists. I can't write in detail about what we saw, as it will never come close to what its actually like to be there and see it, but I will briefly outline some of the things. We went into various rooms, where some of the belongings of the prisoners were displayed, such as pots and pans, suitcases, hairbrushes, shoes, and even their hair that had been shaved off. We also saw the 'standing cells' where prisoners were crammed into small cells and made to stand for days on end. As we walked through the corridors there were pictures on the walls of some of the prisoners in their striped uniforms with shaved hair. You could just see the fear in their widened eyes. We also saw the reconstructed 'shooting wall' where flowers had been laid, and at the end we went into a gas chamber where we knew that thousands had been brutally murdered. 

After this we went on to the second camp, Auschwitz-Birkenau. This was a much larger camp, and there were plans to double its size, but the war ended before this happened. The train tracks were extended to run right into the middle of the camp, where the selection process would take place. Most of the buildings were destroyed at the end of the war as the German's wanted to destroy the evidence of the extent of their crimes. There are no exact figures of those who died at Auschwitz-Birkenau, though it is estimated to be around 1.2 million.

In the evening we attended a memorial service, where poems we read, we reflected on what we had seen during the day, and we lit candles to remember the dead. A Rabbi talked to us and he reinforced the importance of the Holocaust to us today. One quote that kept being said throughout the day was: "The one who does not remember history is bound to live through it again" (George Santayana). 

I felt that I had to blog about my trip to Auschwitz in memory of the millions who were so mercilessly butchered. I wanted to remind others about the horrors of the Holocaust and the prejudice that it was based on. This prejudice and racism has not disappeared, it is still a problem today. Therefore we need to remember history and learn from it, and do our part to stop this prejudice that leads to ruined lives and murder. The Rabbi pointed out that "hearing is not like seeing" and now that I have seen what I have seen, I will be sure to continue with the 'Lessons from Auschwitz Project' and do my part to help others. I will always remember how lucky I am. 

I leave you with a poem that was written by Charlotte Delbo, a non-Jewish member of the resistance in France. She was imprisoned in Auschwitz and Ravensbruck. After the war she wrote her memoirs 'Auschwitz and After', which have been translated into English.

Extermination

Five by five the walk down the street

of arrivals. It is the street of departures 

but they don't know.

It is a one-way street.

They proceed in an orderly fashion-so

as not to be faulted for anything.

They reach a building and heave a sigh.

They have reached their destination at

last.

And when the soldiers bark their

orders, shouting for the women to

strip, they undress the children first,

cautiously not to wake them all at

once.

After days and nights of travel the little

ones are edgy and cranky

and then the women undress in front

of the children, nothing to be done

and when each is handed a towel they

worry whether the shower will be

warm because the children could catch

cold

and when the men enter the shower

room through another door, naked too,

the women hide the children against

their bodies.

And perhaps at that moment they all

understand.

My Skydive!

A few weeks ago I organised to do a sponsored skydive for the mental health charity 'Mind' and I have raised over £500! I jumped at Redlands Airfield, Swindon, from 10 000ft and here is the video.... enjoy!

10) Personalisation

Personalisation is the final one in the list of the 10 most common cognitive distortions (thinking errors). It occurs when you assume excessive responsibility for a negative, even when there is no basis for doing so. For example you may think: "He didn't come to my party, I must be a horrible person."  You arbitrarily conclude that what happened was your fault, or that it reflects your inadequacy. Therefore it makes you feel unnecessarily guilty. You carry the weight for everything that goes wrong - everything is related to some deficiency within yourself. You overlook the fact that others may have played a part, and you blame yourself entirely.

Personalisation causes you to feel extreme guilt. You carry the burden and sense of responsibility that forces you to carry the whole world on your shoulders. You have confused influence with control. Is it really worth feeling this amount of guilt when you don't have to? Why feel this extra burden when you don't need to?

Automatic thoughts: Megan doesn't like me at all. She wouldn't have shouted at me like that if she did.

Possible answers: I am not the only person Megan shouts at. She is always on edge when things are not going well for her, and she shouts at whoever is around. I've seen her do it. She will get over it, and will probably apologise.

Picture source: http://magicreminders.blogspot.com/2010_08_01_archive.html

9) Global Judgements (Labelling and Mislabelling)

This cognitive distortion is when you assume that the value of a person can be equated with a single action; reacting to the label rather than the event.

Personal labelling is an extreme form of over-generalization. It means that you create a completely negative self-image based on your errors. The attitude behind it is "The measure of a man is the mistakes he makes." When you describe your mistakes using sentences that begin with "I'm a..." there is a good chance that you are personal labelling. For example, when you lose a game of tennis, you might say, "I'm a born loser" instead of, "I messed up on that game." Likewise, when you don't get the grade you expected in an exam, you might think, "I'm a failure" instead of, "I made a mistake."

Your self cannot be equated with any one thing you do; your life is a complex, ever-changing flow of thoughts, emotions, and actions. Would you ever describe yourself as an "eater" just because you eat, or a "breather" because you breathe? This is nonsense, so not only is personal labelling self-defeating, it is irrational too.   

When you label other people, you will inevitably create hostility. If you label someone in your class as the "uncooperative idiot", you will resent them and jump at every chance to criticize them. In turn, they may label you, and complain at every opportunity, fuelling this vicious cycle. 

Mislabelling involves describing an event with language that is inaccurate and emotionally heavily loaded. For example, a girl on a diet ate a dish of ice-cream. She thought to herself, "How repulsive of me, I'm a fat pig." This made her feel so bad, that she went on to eat a lot more of the ice-cream.  

Automatic thought: I'm such a failure

Possible answers: I am not a failure, I have done many things right, but I have made one mistake. I can learn from this mistake so that I won't make it again. 

Picture source: http://yaelweinberg.com/517188/Contact

Ideas taken from David D. Burns' book "Feeling Good, The New Mood Therapy"

8) Should Statements (ought, must, always, never)

This is when you use self-commands and duty as prime motivators, saying, "I should do this" or "I must do that".  These statements cause you to feel pressured and paradoxically you end up feeling uninterested and unmotivated. Albert Ellis (an American psychologist) calls this "musturbation", and David D. Burns calls it the "shouldy" approach to life.

When should statements are targeted at yourself, they normally lead to guilt and frustration, on the other hand, when they are targeted at others, they often lead to frustration and anger - "she shouldn't be so argumentative".

The most frequent result of shoulding ourselves is procrastination (putting something off). Whenever I think about doing school work I find "should" thoughts rushing in, making me feel guilty and depressed, I will tend to mentally "change the subject" and redirect my attention to something that isn't so unpleasant. The more you "should" yourself about studying, the harder it becomes to actually spend any time studying. You never feel like it.

Should statements cause a lot of unnecessary emotional disorder in your life. Obviously we do have some obligations, but are you standards and expectations realistic? If you can think of sensible reasons why you should be doing something, or if you are able to weigh the costs and benefits, then this is not an automatic thought, it is a logical conclusion. However, if you make should statements without any thinking behind them, then these are automatic thoughts and they can have negative impacts as outlined above.

Automatic thoughts: That TV programme about old people was very upsetting. Life is so cruel. It shouldn't be like this.

Possible answers: Things are as they are, and to want them to be different is unrealistic. Getting depressed about it is not going to change the situation. Why not see if there is something I can do to help, for example, visiting someone in the old people's home down the road.

Picture source: http://zerotolerancetonegativethinking.com/Should%20statements.htm

7) Emotional Reasoning

Emotional reasoning is using your feelings as a basis for your judgements and ignoring other factors. You take your emotions as evidence for the truth. For example: I feel so depressed, this must be the worst school to go to. This kind of reasoning is misleading as your feelings are determined by your thoughts and beliefs. If they are distorted (which is often the case) then your emotions will not be valid.

I understand that things feel so negative to you so you assume that they truly are, but have you ever thought about challenging the validity of these perceptions that create your feelings? Although you may feel that you will never be able to overcome your emotional reasoning habits, at least by reading this you have become aware of it and now you might start to ask yourself if your feelings are valid.

Automatic thought: If I feel it, it must be true

Possible answers: What are the reasons behind my feelings? Are they valid? Have I challenged them? Am I ignoring other factors?

Picture Source: http://yaelweinberg.com/517188/Contact

Rainbow Cake! Something to cheer you up!

Just thought I would take little break from the "cognitive distortions" posts, to tell you about something special I made last weekend.

The past week had been pretty bad for me and seeing as I was doing absolutely nothing on the weekend I decided that I needed a bit of cheering up! So I set upon the mammoth task of creating a rainbow cake! I baked six layers of sponge cake and coloured them all different colours, making them as bight as possible. Then I stacked them one on top of the other in the order of a rainbow with butter cream icing sandwiched between them. On the top I made the butter cream icing multi-coloured, and hey-presto, I had a rainbow cake!! It did take me around 3 hours, but the end result was so worth it!

Doing something positive with my time took all the bad things off my mind. So next time you are feeling a bit down, I challenge you to make a rainbow cake! It certainly cheered me up, and here are some pictures for you to enjoy :)

Rainbow Cake!

6) Magnification/Minimisation (Binocular Trick)

Another thinking trap you might fall into is the magnification or minimisation of events - otherwise known as the "binocular trick" - overemphasising the negatives and under-emphasising the positives.

Often you will magnify the importance of you own errors. For example, if you take part in a group project at school but it gets a lower grade than expected, in your head you may over exaggerate any mistake you may have made and blame yourself for the low grade. This is like looking through a pair of binoculars - things appear much bigger than they are in reality.

To be honest, what difference does one particular event have on your life? What will you think about it in a week, a month, a year or ten years? Will anyone else remember what happened? Will you? Even if yo do, will you really feel the same about it? Probably-not.

On the other hand, when you do something really well you will often do the exact opposite, dismissing it, seeing it as small or unimportant. You will probably reject your personal strengths too, viewing them as insignificant. This is like looking through the wrong end of the binoculars.

Automatic thought: I made a real fool of myself yesterday, I'll never be able to face them again.

Possible answers: Don't make a mountain out of a molehill. Most people didn't even notice. I don't think anyone who did thought much of it - they were probably too busy thinking of themselves. If it had happened when I was feeling happier, I would have laughed about it. It certainly makes a good story!

Picture Source: http://www.spotshoppingguide.com/choosing-the-best-binoculars/

5) Arbitrary Inference (Jumping to Conclusions)

Arbitrary inference is a cognitive distortion in which a judgement of an event is formed in the absence of supporting evidence. Insufficient evidence leads to an erroneous conclusion. Two examples of this are "mind reading" and "the fortune teller error".

Mind reading occurs when you imagine/believe that other people are thinking negative thoughts about you. You are so convinced that people are looking down on you that you don't even bother to check it out. For example, suppose a friend passes you in the school corridor but fails to say hello because he is so absorbed in his own thoughts that he doesn't notice you. You might have jump to the conclusion that, "He is deliberately ignoring me, he must not like me any more." You may have responded to this imagined negative reaction by withdrawal or counter-attack. This self-defeating behaviour pattern may result in a self-fulfilling prophecy and set up a negative interaction in a relationship when none existed in the first place!

None of us are mind-readers, how can you know what someone else is thinking? You may be right but do not jump to conclusions. Stick to what you can be sure of. If you do not have enough evidence to make a sound judgement, see if you can find out more of the facts before you make up your mind.

Automatic thoughts: My girlfriend didn't eat all of the cake I baked for her. She thinks I'm a terrible cook.

Possible answers: All I know for sure is that she didn't eat all of it. I don't actually know whether she thinks I'm a terrible cook or not. Maybe she just wasn't hungry. I can ask her.

The fortune teller error is when you imagine that bad things are going to happen to you and you take the prediction as a fact even though it is unrealistic. For example, during my panic attacks I used to believe that I was going to pass-out or go crazy. My prediction was unrealistic because never before had I passed out or gone crazy, but my negative expectations made my panic attacks worse. Just like the mind reading error, the fortune telling error could easily end up as a self-fulfilling prophecy. For example, if you believe that your boyfriend is going to cheat on you, it may influence the way you act around him and your behaviour towards him, in such a way that he may feel attacked or controlled and he may seek to break free.

Or if something has gone wrong in the past, it doesn't mean it will go wrong in the future. If you predict the future, instead of trying something different and finding out what happens, you are cutting off the possibility of change. Change may be difficult but its not usually impossible.

Automatic thoughts: I'll never get the main part in that play. I never have.

Possible answers: The fact that I have never got the main part doesn't mean that I never can. If I go and audition again this year I may feel uncomfortable at first, but if I give it my all I might even enjoy the audition. Also other people will respect me for going back and trying again, and I will respect myself. If I don't try I will never know!

Picture Source: http://yaelweinberg.com/517188

4) Disqualifying The Positive

Disqualifying the positive is when you reject a positive experience by insisting that it "doesn't count" for one reason or another. You don't just ignore the experiences, but you swiftly turn them into their opposite, and by doing so you maintain your negative beliefs. David D. Burns calls this "reverse alchemy" because the medieval alchemists (early scientists) dreamed of finding some method for transmuting base metals into gold. If you are depressed, you are likely to have a talent for doing the exact opposite - you can instantly turn your golden joy into emotional lead. However, you do this unintentionally - in fact you are probably unaware that you are doing it!

For example a depressed person at a party will not only remember the person who ignored them, but they will also forget or downplay the others that chatted to them for hours, saying "oh they just felt sorry for me."

However, the most common example of this is the way most of us have been conditioned to respond to a compliment. When someone praises your looks or personality, you might automatically tell yourself. "they are just being nice." BOOM, you have just mentally disqualified their compliment. You do the same thing to them when someone thanks you and you say, "oh it was nothing, really." You are constantly disqualifying everything positive that is said to you... no wonder everything seems so gloomy!

Automatic thought: Louise only said that she liked my hair because she felt sorry for me.

Possible answers: Louise didn't have to say anything about my hair, but she chose to. She has no reason to lie to me or to feel sorry for me so therefore I can believe her and feel happy about the compliment!

Picture source: http://yaelweinberg.com/517188

3) Selective Abstraction (Mental Filter)

'Selective abstraction' is when you conceptualise a whole situation on the basis of one detail that is taken out of context.  You pick out one negative detail and think about it exclusively, thus perceiving the whole situation as negative.

For example: In a maths exam a student finished the paper but was sure she had missed 17 questions out of the 100. For days after the exam she couldn't stop thinking about those 17 questions and came to the conclusion that she should drop out of college. However, when she received the results of the exam, she scored 83 and got an A*!

When you are depressed, you mentally filter out everything positive, and because you are unaware of this 'filtering process' you conclude that everything is negative. It is a bad habit that causes you to suffer unnecessarily.

Automatic thoughts: Tom and Katie didn't come to my party. I must be a horrible person. No one likes me.

Possible answers: You invited 20 people to your party and only two didn't come. 18 of your friends did come! They wouldn't have come if you were a horrible person and they wouldn't have come if they didn't like you; therefore lots of people like you! Have you actually asked Tom and Katie why they didn't come? They probably had previous arrangements and it was nothing to do with you so don't take it personally!

Picture Source: http://www.yaelweinberg.com/517188/Contact

2) Overgeneralisation

When you draw a general conclusion on the basis of a single incident you are overgeneralising. You irrationally conclude that one thing that happened to you once will occur over and over again, or already has occurred many times before. For example, the common statement - "things are always going wrong for me" is often said after one bad thing has happened. However, when you take a step back and thing about this statement you will realise that this is a huge overgeneralisation! Things are not always going wrong for you, you just tend to remember the bad things over the good! Or another example, I was driving in my car the other day and a bird crapped on my window. I was really annoyed and thought to myself, "That's just my luck, birds are always crapping on my window!" But when I actually thought about this experience, I realised that it was the first time it had ever happened to me. This is a perfect example of overgeneralisation.

The pain of rejection is generated almost entirely from overgenralisation. A friend of mine recently asked a girl out. When she politely rejected because of a previous engagement he thought to himself that he would never get a date and he would be single and lonely forever. In his distorted cognitions he concluded that because she turned him down once, she would always do so, and that since all women have exactly the same tastes, he would be endlessly rejected! Overgeneralisation? I think so! 

Learn to talk back to these damaging statements based on single events...

Automatic thoughts: I was so irritable with my boyfriend this morning. I'm a terrible girlfriend and a horrible person.

Possible answers: The fact that on a particular day, at a particular time, in a particular circumstance, I was irritable, does not make me a terrible girlfriend or a horrible person. I can't reasonably expect never to be irritable, and making myself depressed by writing myself off completely is not going to help me to be nicer to my boyfriend when he next comes over.

Ideas taken from "Feeling Good, The New Mood Therapy" (David D. Burns). 

1) Dichotomous Reasoning (black-or-white/all-or-nothing thinking)

Dichotomous reasoning refers to your tendency to evaluate your personal qualities in extreme, black-or-white/mutually exclusive categories. It is the most common kind of negative thinking, and is the main cause of many problems including anxiety and depression. For example, a straight-A student may believe that they are a total failure because they received a B on an exam. This all-or-nothing thinking forms the basis for perfectionism. It causes you to fear any imperfection or mistake because you will then see yourself as a complete loser, and you will feel inadequate and worthless, leading to anxiety. It can cause depression because when you think you have to be perfect, you feel trapped by your own unrealistic standards.

This way of evaluating things is unrealistic, because hardly anything in life is either one way or the other. For example, no one is absolutely amazing or totally stupid, and no one is all good or all bad! Look at the floor of the room you are sitting in now. Is it perfectly clean? Or is every inch piled high with dust and dirt? Or is it partially clean? Absolutes do not exist in this universe. If you try to force your experiences into absolute categories, you will be constantly depressed because your perceptions will not conform to reality. You will set yourself up for shaming yourself endlessly because whatever you do will not measure up to your exaggerated expectations.

Examples: Automatic thought: I did that really badly, I might as well not bother at all
                Possible answer: The fact is, I didn't do it as well as I wanted to. That does not mean that it was no good at all, I can't expect to get everything 100% right. If I do, I'll never be satisfied.

Are you applying this kind of black-or-white thinking to yourself? Look for the shades of grey.

(Some of this has been taken from the book "Feeling Good, The New Mood Therapy" by David D. Burns)

Errors In Logic: Cognitive Distortions

Errors in logic are simply thinking errors (cognitive distortions). By identifying these thinking errors and testing them as hypotheses rather then facts, we can investigate and challenge these negative thoughts to see if they are indeed logical. Alternative ways of thinking can be substituted for the original negative automatic thoughts which are more balanced, and reflect the persons experience more accurately.

Here are a list of the 10 most common cognitive distortions that form the basis of all depression:

1) Dichotomous reasoning (black or white/all-or-nothing)

2) Overgeneralisation

3) Selective abstraction (mental filter)

4) Discounting the positive

5) Arbitrary inference (jumping to conclusions)

6) Magnification/minimisation (binocular trick)

7) Emotional Reasoning

8) Shoulds ("musturbation")

9) Global judgements

10) Personalisation

Over the next 10 posts I will be looking at each of these individual thinking errors and explaining what they mean so we can look at ways to challenge them. This should help to stop some of your negative thoughts as you will begin to see that a lot of them are completely illogical, and hopefully this will begin to make you feel better!

YouthNoise

I just thought I would let you know of a really cool website I came across on the internet. It is called www.youthnoise.com and it is an American website that aims to "empower young leaders to act for the causes they care about locally and nationally".  I have very recently become one of their featured bloggers and I wrote my first post the other day! I think it is a great idea to have a specific place for young people to blog about the things they are interested in and it is a place where us young people feel that we have a voice and are actually listened to; there is also a real sense of community even though the users are worldwide! I have read a number of  the blog posts and I have been able to search for blogs on things that interest me, and so far I have been really impressed!

A Breathing Technique For Relaxation

My first video post! Please let me know what you think!

Create a Continuum

Many teens (including me) have an unrealistic view of themselves, or situations that they are in. They usually have extreme, black and white views, magnifying every detail of the problem and they can't recognise anything in-between. This is where creating a 'continuum' can be an extremely helpful tool in distinguishing how 'bad' something is, or to what extent it is 'bad'. It can help you to review your understanding of worth, goodness or weakness.

To explain what exactly a 'continuum' is, lets take an example of a teenager with severe feelings of guilt, and they believe themselves to be the most evil person in the world.

They should begin with a straight line representing the extremes of good and evil - good at one end, and evil at the other. Then, they should place an X on the line representing where they see themselves and it is likely that they would put the X nearest the evil end. They should contemplate their own, personal evil attributes, before putting other evil characters on the continuum. Adolf Hitler or Josef Stalin may be interesting individuals to consider. The teenager will then probably find themselves having to extend the line to accommodate the newcomers. Then they should fill in the extreme good end of the scale, writing people down that they admire, who they know. Then what about placing other more famous people, such as Mother Teresa. They'll probably need to extend the continuum in the opposite direction. Then finally they should put down other friends and acquaintances in the continuum as well.

At the end of this process, the teenager may still not like themselves very much, but at least they should begin to question their assumptions of being the most evil person on the planet.

You can also use this method to asses how bad situations actually are that you find extremely difficult and it will help you to put many things in your life into perspective. Don't just try to visualise it in your head, writing it down is much more effective as you will see the full picture and it will help you to view things in context.

Having A Hobbie

A very successful way to reduce the impact of stress is to get a hobbie! So simple, yet so effective.

Many teens (including myself!) think that they are too busy to spend the time participating in extra activities, and may believe it will lead them to become more stressed. There is some truth in this because obviously if you take part in lots of additional interests, you may find that you don't have enough time to complete the things in life that you have to do, such as school work etc. However, involving yourself in one or two extra activities that you enjoy, can be a very efficient way to relax. Don't worry if you find it hard to relax at first, it is a skill that needs to be learned. 

Apart from going out with my friends, some of my favourite hobbies are painting, writing and singing. During school term times, I do have to limit myself on how much time I spend doing these activities, although I always make sure that I have a slot each week to do one of them. In the holidays I have a lot more spare time to do these things and to try out new activities too, such as fishing which surprisingly I really enjoy! When I am participating in these interests, I find that I forget about the other things that are worrying me as I am concentrating on something else.   

Here is my painting of Marilyn Monroe

Doing something you enjoy will help to boost your mood, and hopefully this will help you to see things in a different light and you will realise that perhaps life isn't so bad. Relaxing in this way may even give you the energy to do some of those things which you hate dong but have to do. Maybe spend a day with a friend trying out each others hobbies, you might just find something that you love which you never thought you would! This was certainly the case for me when my friend introduced me to karate! It's the summer holidays now for most of us, so I hope that this will inspire you to get out there and do something you know you enjoy, or to try something new! 

Talking and Writing - Stress Off-loaders!

I find it incredibly helpful to talk about the things I struggle with. Since starting this blog, I think I have improved the way I am because I am talking about the things I find difficult. I am writing about ideas to help stop stress and anxiety, and this is making me really think about, and formulate workable techniques that everyone can use.

Before I started the blog though, I was fortunate because I had (and I still have) a network of people around me - friends and family - that I could talk to. However, I know I have said it before and I'll say it again, but it is very hard to open up to someone about everything. Generally though, I did talk about my biggest problems, but it was my thoughts and feelings about those problems that I struggled to disclose. I guess this was because I thought that people will always judge, even if they say they won't - its automatic. I read somewhere that judging things/people/situations is an automatic survival instinct.

So as well as talking to people as much as I could bring myself to, I also did a lot of writing. I really love writing, so maybe this is easier for me than it will be for others. I tried to write a diary everyday, but I found that this was extremely time consuming and hard to keep up. I did manage to do it for a year but there were huge chunks missing! This year I tried to do it again, but I got to March and haven't written any more since! I think if you are able to do it, diary writing is a good idea because you are able to keep track of everything that is happening in your life as it happens and you are keeping a constant record of your feelings, so you can see how they develop and change. This can help you to make informed decisions in future if you come across a similar situation as you have the details of exactly how you felt.

Another thing I like to do is throughout the year I will collect little notes about things or objects that act as memory-triggers. I collect them up and keep them in a box, then at the end of each year I write an 'overview of my year'. I started this four years ago and have managed to do it every year since. My 'overviews' started off brief but have gradually got longer as I like to keep a more in-depth record of things. The only problem with using this technique is that I can only write about the events that happened, I won't always remember my exact thoughts and feelings, but I still find it very interesting to write and remember important happenings. At the end of each year, after I have written my 'overview', I read last years one to see how my life has improved/changed. I think that doing this has helped me to develop as a person, and even if I feel like I have had a really rubbish year I will always find many positive things that happened too and this helps me to realise that it wasn't so bad after all. Often we tend to remember the bad experiences over the good, but using this technique helps you to think about and remember them all!

Picture source: http://webstuff4writers.com

Removing Yourself From The Situation

Today I have learnt first hand that removing yourself from an explosive situation is an effective step in resolving the problem. Notice that I used the word step. Simply removing yourself from the difficult circumstance will not resolve it, but it will mean that you will have the space to think more clearly, away from the heat of the moment. The ability to review the situation in a calmer manner is an essential part of the process of finding a solution and coming to a compromise.

When you get into an argument, you are fighting for your point of view, and everything you say seems rational in your mind. From my perspective, I know that I can argue for England and I can be extremely forceful about it, not letting others get a word in edgeways. When I am arguing I always think that I am completely right - otherwise I wouldn't be arguing about it! Even when I begin to realise that maybe I'm not so right, I hate backing down and admitting that I'm wrong. I am completely unable to swallow my pride.

That's why today I found removing myself from the situation for a few hours so helpful. I went and did something fun to take my mind of the situation for a while, but it also meant that when I was ready I was able to reflect on what had happened and the way I had behaved. Talking about it with the people I was with helped too, as they were able to give their insight on what had happened. It made me see that perhaps I over-reacted slightly because I was so caught up in defending my point of view. I got far to worked up about such a small thing, and the situation escalated because of my angry, defensive reaction. After taking myself out of the tense atmosphere for a while, I was able to return to the house in a much more relaxed state of mind. It took a lot for me to do what I did next - because I HATE apologising - but that is exactly what I did. Its not an easy thing to do at all, but that one word really can have so much meaning (if of course you do actually mean it). Sometimes though, that isn't quite the end of it, and you may be asked to explain exactly what you are sorry for. This takes even more courage because it is admitting you are wrong and explaining it specifically, which is extremely difficult for any human being to do! But I proved today that it really can be done. If you can't bring yourself to say sorry, then maybe a compromise can be more easily reached when you are in a calmer state!

Picture source: http://www.totallifecounseling.com

Defeating Guilt - Removing 'should' statements

I am reading a book by David D. Burns called 'Feeling Good , The New Mood Therapy'. It is an exceptional book, packed full of ways to overcome depression, and I would definitely recommend it even if you're not depressed!

One of the chapters I have been reading recently is about defeating feelings of guilt, and here I will share some of it with you.

Guilt is the emotion you will experience when you have the following thoughts:

1) I have done something that I shouldn't have (or I have failed to do something that I should have).
2) This 'bad behaviour' shows that I am a bad person.

This concept of 'badness' is central to the feelings of guilt. Without this, your hurtful action may lead to a healthy feeling of remorse. Remorse or regret are different from guilt as there is no implication that your actions indicate that you are a bad, evil, or immoral person.

Even if your guilt is unhealthy and based on distortion, once you begin to feel guilty, you may become trapped in an illusion that makes the guilt appear valid.

1) I feel guilty and worthy of condemnation. This means I've been bad.
2) Since I'm bad I deserve to suffer.

Therefore, your guilt convinces you of your badness and leads to further guilt. This cognitive (thinking), emotional connection locks your thoughts and feelings into each other. You end up trapped in a circular system called the 'guilt cycle'.

If you have actually done something inappropriate or hurtful, does it follow that you deserve to suffer? If you feel the answer to this question is yes, then ask yourself, "How long must I suffer? One day? A year? For the rest of my life?" Are you willing to stop suffering and making yourself miserable when this sentence is over? This would at least be a reasonable way to punish yourself because it would be time-limited. But what is the point of you abusing yourself with guilt in the first place? If you did make a mistake and act in a hurtful way, your guilt won't reverse your blunder magically. It won't speed up your learning process as to reduce the chance you'll make the same mistake in the future. Other people won't love and respect you more because you are feeing guilty and putting yourself down in this manner. Nor will guilt lead to productive living. So what's the point?

Certainly, if your behaviour has a needlessly hurtful impact on others, a small amount of painful remorse will add to your awareness and help you not to do it again.

The 'should removal techniques' are methods for reducing all those irrational 'should' statements you have been hitting yourself with, and therefore making yourself feel guilty with.

The first is to ask yourself, "who says I should? Where is it written that I should?" The point of this is to make you aware that you are being unnecessarily critical of yourself. Since you are ultimately making your own rules, once you decide that a rule is not useful, you can revise it or get rid of it. Suppose you are telling yourself that you should be able to make your boyfriend/girlfriend happy all the time, but experience teaches you that this is neither realistic nor helpful, you can rewrite the rule to make it more valid. You might say, "I can make my boyfriend/girlfriend happy some of the time, but I certainly can't at all times. Ultimately happiness is up to him/her. And I am not perfect any more then he/she is. Therefore I will not anticipate that what I do will always be appreciated."

In deciding on the usefulness of  a particular rule, it can be useful to ask yourself, "What are the advantages and disadvantages of having that rule for myself?"

Another simple technique for eliminating 'should' statements involves substituting in other words. The terms "it would be nice if" or "I wish I could" work well. For example, instead of saying, "I should be able to make my boyfriend happy", you could substitute "It would be nice if I could make my boyfriend happy now because he seems upset. I could ask what he's upset about and see if there's anyway I could help"

Another should removal technique focuses in on the fact that you don't really trust yourself. You may believe that without all these should statements you would just turn wild and go on a rampage of destruction, murder or even ice-cream eating! A way to evaluate this is to ask yourself if there was any period in your life  when you were particularly happy and felt reasonably fulfilled, productive, and under-control. Think it over before you read on, and make sure you have a mental picture of this time. Now ask yourself, 'During that period of my life, was I whipping myself with a lot of should statements?" I believe your answer will be no. So, were you ding all these wild, terrible things then? I think you'll realise you were 'should-free' and under control. This is prof that you can lead a productive, happy life without all these shoulds.  

Please note that some of this material has been directly lifted out of the book. I would also really recommend reading the book yourself because I have missed out a lot and adapted some of it because it doesn't make sense without the knowledge of beginning chapters!

Your Introspection Place

'Introspection' is basically a posh word for self-analysis. So, an introspection place would be a special place you go to contemplate your life. It may help you to think through difficult decisions, or may just be a place where you get the time for some stillness and quietness to reflect on life. This is a very simple, but effective concept with many benefits.

I was talking about this kind of thing, in yesterdays post, but I realise that for most of you, getting to a swimming pool regularly isn't all that easy, and when I return home it won't be easy for me either! However, I do think it is very important to have a special place where you can go to have some 'you time' and to think, away from everything. So, we need to find a more sustainable place, that will always be available. It needs to be a spot that you go to only for this purpose, so it is no good choosing your car as the special place, as you won't associate it with the deep-thinking and it will be hard to get yourself into the right mind set. On the other hand, it shouldn't be somewhere far away, as that will take effort to get to and then you just won't bother. Also the other problem with choosing a location far away, is that it won't be right there when you really need it.

When I get home, I will find a particular tree in the park very near to my house. I will be able to sit/lie/stand under it, subject to what mood I'm in (oh and also depending on what the weather has been like!), and then I will have the peace to think about what I want. I will only go to that one tree for this specific purpose.

So, you my be thinking, 'what exactly are the benefits?' Well to be honest, I've done things similar to this in the past and a number of positives have come out of it. When I need to make a decision, it will give me the space to think; to think about what I want, away from everyone. It is a space where you can think rationally, undisturbed. Also if your emotions are running high, getting out of the house and going to a tranquil space will have a calming effect. There is no one to get mad at or shout back at. Just you on your own with your thoughts. Some may not like this idea, but I think it is healthy to face up to what you are feeling/thinking. You may disagree and that's up to you, but what not try it?

Picture source: http://www.freedigitalphotos.net

Just A Little Something..

Lying in the pool, on my back, just floating, listening to each breath I take.

That's exactly what I have been doing A LOT the past few days. There is just something about it that I love. The sensation of floating is different to any other, and the loud, deep sound of my breathing makes it easy to hear and concentrate on. This may sound weird, but actually hearing my breathing so clearly makes me realise that I am actually living, I am a real, living, human life. By focusing on my breathing, I am able to escape everything that is going on around me. I am in my own little world. Closing my eyes, I can place myself anywhere I want to be. Be anyone I want to be.

I consider my life, and reflect on the many situations I face each day. Somehow, being in this position, away from everything, I can think a lot more clearly.

I guess its a shame that when I return home I won't be able to do this, but for now I am finding it the perfect method for relaxation and contemplation :)

You Reap Just What You Sow

Earlier, I was listening to one of Adele's songs, "Rolling in the Deep". Near the end of the song I heard the line "you reap just what you sow" and it made me think. It is a well known saying, but I've never actually sat and thought about the true meaning behind it.

It made me think specifically about relationships, and it is the time and effort you put into them that results in how much you get out of them. I know that relationships aren't exactly my strong point, and it was the ending of my most recent relationship that pushed me to finally create this blog. I know that when I am in a relationship, I feel as though I am giving my all to it, but when I look back on them I realise that actually I didn't. At the beginning, when the relationship is new and fresh and exciting, I do put a lot of effort in, but when the novelty wears thin, I guess I don't bother as much. And then, surprise, surprise, things go downhill and the relationship ends. I was reaping what I had sown. I know this is terrible, but at least I am realising and recognising my mistakes, because now I can begin to work on stopping this. However, I also need to remember that not every single one of my relationships that has ended has been completely my fault. This is important as I don't want to damage my self-esteem by blaming myself for everything.

I didn't just think about boyfriend/girlfriend types of relationships, but I also thought about ones involving friends and family. I especially thought in depth about how this applies to family relationships, because for the last few days, things between me and my family have't been great. There have been many arguments, and things have got particularly worse now that I am on holiday with them, because we are spending all of our time together. Every time that they brought up one certain subject and tried to talk to me about it, I would get angry and close up and refuse to talk about it. The more that I refused, the more they pushed, making me angry, and resulting in an argument, and when arguments aren't resolved, there is always an underlying awkwardness and tension when trying to act normally again. So, today, when the subject was brought back up, although it was extremely hard, I sat there and talked to them about it and answered their questions. I didn't get angry or agitated, but I told them what they wanted to know. They were very happy with this, and grateful that I did talk to them, as before they were just worried about me. Now they felt reassured, and for the rest of today things have been fine with no more arguments.

Sometimes that's all it takes, a bit of communication to help sort things out. The more you talk, the easier it will become and the better the relationship will be. I know that this is tremendously hard in practice, but just give it a go and you might be surprised. I know that there will still be times when I don't want to talk about things, and that is okay. I just know that I need to be a bit more open with my family so that they don't worry as much and they will trust me more.

Putting hard work and effort into relationships really does help, and I do believe that you will reap all the benefits and get much more out of them.

The Small Issue of Friends

As teenagers, our friends mean everything to us. My friends are like a huge support network around me, and I know that I would be completely and utterly lost without them. However, friends can build you up, and then completely knock you down by doing something that really hurts you. Friends can be a major cause of stress in our lives.

I admit that in the past I have done some pretty bad things to my friends. I don't want to go into detail, but I know that there was one time in my life, where I compulsively lied to one of my best friends about a particular thing that was going on in my life. I span a big story to cover up what was truly going on, and this carried on for a while. But like most liars do, I got found out. She was devastated that I had done that to her, and that I wasn't able to tell her the truth. It took a while of talking, and explaining the truth, but she actually forgave me. She didn't just half-heartedly forgive me, but she completely forgave me. I am so thankful that she did, because at that time I really needed my friends to keep me on the right track. I knew from this experience that she was one of the truest friends ever, and she would support me no matter what.

They say, 'what goes around comes around' and I have found this saying to be surprisingly true. Quite recently a girl who I considered to be one of  my best friends, strung me a load of lies. I believed her, because well, why I wouldn't I? I went against my other friends and stuck up for her because I believed everything she told me. Well, when it came out that it was all lies I was really upset, and it completely shattered my naturally trusting personality. I was angry for a while, and didn't talk to her, but then I realised that she had only done the exact same thing that I had done a few years back. I talked to her and told her that I forgave her, admitting that I too had been guilty of doing the same thing. She opened up to me, and told me some of the things that were going on in her life. I wanted to be there for her and support her, just as my other friends had done for me.

So I guess that I just wanted to try and show you that friends are one of the most important things we have, and even though sometimes friendship hurts, if you work at it, it can be so worth it. If you give up on your friends each time something bad happens, then don't complain when people give up on you when you make a mistake. And also remember your past mistakes too. Nobody's perfect, and we all mess up.

Pleasure-Predicting

Often when I am stressed out or feeling down, I just can't be bothered to do anything. I just don't see any point in it because I don't think it will make me feel any better. I worry that getting up, going out, and doing things will make me feel more depressed, because when I'm stressed I can't seem to enjoy things. It becomes a vicious cycle really, because the more depressed I feel, the less effort I make, and the less I do. The less that I do, the more depressed I become. Does this cycle sound familiar to you?

Well, this is where 'The Pleasure-Predicting Sheet' comes in handy. Basically, you write down a list of different activities and before you do the activities, you rate them each from 1-10 (1 being the lowest and 10 being the highest) to show how much satisfaction you think you will get from doing that activity.Then, after you have completed the activity, you rate it from 1-10 again to show how much satisfaction you actually achieved from doing it. Hopefully, the outcome for most of them will be that you enjoyed it more than you expected to.

The activities can be simple things such as going for a walk with the dog, going shopping with some friends or reading a book. Simple activities such as these, contain the potential for personal growth. By completing 'The Pleasure-Predicting Sheet' and seeing real results, it will hopefully bring you a step closer to getting out of that vicious cycle. But remember that this will only work if you complete it truthfully and be totally honest with yourself!

Tonight

I had wanted to limit myself to one post a day, but I just couldn't help wanting to write another. When something is on my mind I need to write it down.

Tonight, I've been reading one particular blog that has really opened up my eyes. The person is so honest and open, although they convince them self that they are unable to open up. In fact, this person had inspired me with how much detailed information they have written about their life, and I wish that I could be just as open and honest about things.

Its hard to tell people your real thoughts and feelings, because it is opening yourself up, and letting people into your world and who you are. Although I tend to tell lots of people the stories of things that happen in my life, I guess I never truly open up about what these things do to me and how they truly affect me. In fact, I don't even let myself think about it. I just push it all away and convince myself that things will turn out ok... because they always do. But what if my current suffering is as a result of the many years of pushing all these things away, and not properly dealing with them? Yes, therapy does help me to talk about my feelings, but again, I'm talking to another human being, so I have my limits on how much I give away. Even though you should tell your therapist everything, I know I've still hidden a lot, because I'm just too ashamed.

I suppose I've actually managed to be able to put this stuff down, because I don't want everyone who comes on here to think that I've overcome all my problems. I want people to understand that I'm still battling with a lot, and I'm still making lots of mistakes every single day. But everyday that I'm making mistakes, I'm learning from them too, and everyday I become a stronger person. I will never find all the answers to having a stress-free life, but I want to share with others the things that I learn, so hopefully it will help them, or at least bring them some comfort.

The Jung Personality Test

A few months ago, my therapist recommended that I take the Jung personality test online to find out my 'type formula'. I was sceptical of this at first as I had taken various other personality tests, and none of them gave me any results that I felt specifically related to me. They were just for fun and had no real detail or meaning behind them. However, this test was written by Carl Jung, a Swiss psychiatrist, who has been incredibly influential in the development of many psychological concepts. So, one day when I was bored, I thought that I may as well give it a go as I had nothing to lose. There are 72 questions, so it took a little while, but it was definitely worth it!

My type formula came out as E (11) N (50) F (75) J (22)

This stands for Extroverted iNtuitive Feeling Judging, and the numbers in the brackets show the strength of the preference.

I read more into the description of my personality type and I was stunned at how true to me it was. As I read further into the detailed explanation it told me things about myself that I hadn't particularly thought about before, but as I read it, it just became more clear that this was me. The profile talked about how ENFJs believe in their dreams, and see themselves as helpers and enablers, and I guess this blog reflects this part of my personality, because I'm wanting to help others. The description also said that "ENFJs know and appreciate people... they have thinner psychological boundaries than most, and are at risk of being hurt or abused by less sensitive people" (typelogic.com). Again, this is very true to me, and I can think of many occasions where this has happened.

The Jung career indicator determined careers most suitable for my personality type, and the top result came out as counselling. Interesting as this is exactly what I want to do!

Many of my friends have taken it, and they too are surprised at how accurate the results are. It is very interesting to read up about your personality type, and possible careers, and I know that it has helped me to understand myself better! So, why not give it a go?

Go to http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/jtypes2.asp

What's this all about?

I am a 17 year old girl, currently studying A-levels at sixth form and I have always had a heart for helping other people.  

Every week for the past 7 months, I have attended one to one cognitive behaviour therapy sessions with my counsellor Anita Jaffe. I have found these sessions incredibly helpful as they have enabled me to cope with daily life. I feel that I have become more knowledgeable about my thoughts and feelings, and how that affects the way I perceive things, therefore affecting the way I act and behave. Anita has also taught me many coping techniques to help me manage my problems effectively. 

I am very grateful that I have been able to go to these sessions, however I know that the majority of teenagers aren't so fortunate. After doing some research I have found out that there isn't much out there for teenagers and this has inspired me to start a blog. I also hope to start up a stress prevention club for teenagers between the ages of 12 and 18, and I will write on here about my experiences and about how the sessions progress.  

So far, during my adolescent years I have struggled with many problems that have affected my everyday life and I know that I am not alone. One of the most recent obstacles I have had to face is panic attacks. They completely took over my life; from avoiding particular social events, to which subjects I chose to take at A-level. I just couldn't face quiet rooms. I know this may seem petty to some, but to me it was a big deal. I really felt that I would never get better, and that I would never be able to do normal things again. To my complete surprise, slowly but surely, I am getting better. I am learning to face my fears even though I thought it was impossible, and I am understanding that self-will is key to recovery. Therefore I hope this blog will be a beneficial source for others and that they will find my experiences helpful too. I also believe that because I am a teenager, other adolescents will listen to me because I know exactly how they are feeling as I am going through it too!