Mind reading occurs when you imagine/believe that other people are thinking negative thoughts about you. You are so convinced that people are looking down on you that you don't even bother to check it out. For example, suppose a friend passes you in the school corridor but fails to say hello because he is so absorbed in his own thoughts that he doesn't notice you. You might have jump to the conclusion that, "He is deliberately ignoring me, he must not like me any more." You may have responded to this imagined negative reaction by withdrawal or counter-attack. This self-defeating behaviour pattern may result in a self-fulfilling prophecy and set up a negative interaction in a relationship when none existed in the first place!
None of us are mind-readers, how can you know what someone else is thinking? You may be right but do not jump to conclusions. Stick to what you can be sure of. If you do not have enough evidence to make a sound judgement, see if you can find out more of the facts before you make up your mind.
Automatic thoughts: My girlfriend didn't eat all of the cake I baked for her. She thinks I'm a terrible cook.
Possible answers: All I know for sure is that she didn't eat all of it. I don't actually know whether she thinks I'm a terrible cook or not. Maybe she just wasn't hungry. I can ask her.
The fortune teller error is when you imagine that bad things are going to happen to you and you take the prediction as a fact even though it is unrealistic. For example, during my panic attacks I used to believe that I was going to pass-out or go crazy. My prediction was unrealistic because never before had I passed out or gone crazy, but my negative expectations made my panic attacks worse. Just like the mind reading error, the fortune telling error could easily end up as a self-fulfilling prophecy. For example, if you believe that your boyfriend is going to cheat on you, it may influence the way you act around him and your behaviour towards him, in such a way that he may feel attacked or controlled and he may seek to break free.
Or if something has gone wrong in the past, it doesn't mean it will go wrong in the future. If you predict the future, instead of trying something different and finding out what happens, you are cutting off the possibility of change. Change may be difficult but its not usually impossible.
Automatic thoughts: I'll never get the main part in that play. I never have.
Possible answers: The fact that I have never got the main part doesn't mean that I never can. If I go and audition again this year I may feel uncomfortable at first, but if I give it my all I might even enjoy the audition. Also other people will respect me for going back and trying again, and I will respect myself. If I don't try I will never know!
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Jumping to conclusion is the only way - otherwise people will step on you like a bug. You (not you, specifically just anyone)have to stand up, whether it's jumping, and be tough. I jump to conclusion, since it's the only way not to get stepped on. I'll be tough. How else if not jump to conclusions does one stand up for himself?
ReplyDelete"Hey did you push me on purpose?"
"Yeah, I did..."
No - more like
"Hey, you idiot. Why'd you step on me?" and fight back (physically or verbally)
Opinion?
No, I disagree. I see your point that in some situations in may seem better to assume things, but I definitely don't think it is the "only way" and I also don't agree that you should fight back physically. I think there are other ways to deal with these situations and still avoid being stepped on. I think that fighting back physically may solve things short term, but how can you go through life like that? It will get you in trouble. So I think we need to find more effective ways to deal with confrontational situations.
ReplyDeleteTake your example of someone pushing you. What if it actually was an accident? And ok, so in many situations it won't be, but like you wrote, ask them if they did it on purpose. If they say yes, ask them why - question them. I doubt they will expect that and they won't have a decent answer, making them look like the fool. On the other hand if they say they didn't push you, I understand that they may be lying just to annoy you even more. I know its hard but maybe you could just leave it and walk away, and if it repeatedly happens then you do have more evidence that they are doing it on purpose (you aren't jumping to conclusions), in which case you can stand up for yourself more strongly. But as I said earlier, never react physically - in the long term it gets you no where.
I get your point. I still stick with my thought. I don't trust anyone anymore, so being angry and jumping to conclusions just about is all I can do. Since I don't trust, there is no way else, really. Psychology is overrated. Ok, so I don't trust people. I now recently an sometimes (a few times) am bully like and never open up to anyone.. Tell your therapist to evaluate that... Bet they cant. It's human nature to jump to conclusions and act as we act. There's no such thing as diagnosis. My favorite quote. "One of ever few Americans suffer from mental illness. Look at your three friends. If it's not them, then it's you."
ReplyDeleteEveryone acts the opposite of what psychology tells you to act like. It's human nature. Can you evaluate me now? Give it a try. I'd like to see a fan of psych. Try. I'm bottled up and keep it that way is all the hint. Nice blog post! I remember the first day you asked for help setting this blog, and now look. People are a fan of your writing!