When should statements are targeted at yourself, they normally lead to guilt and frustration, on the other hand, when they are targeted at others, they often lead to frustration and anger - "she shouldn't be so argumentative".
The most frequent result of shoulding ourselves is procrastination (putting something off). Whenever I think about doing school work I find "should" thoughts rushing in, making me feel guilty and depressed, I will tend to mentally "change the subject" and redirect my attention to something that isn't so unpleasant. The more you "should" yourself about studying, the harder it becomes to actually spend any time studying. You never feel like it.
Should statements cause a lot of unnecessary emotional disorder in your life. Obviously we do have some obligations, but are you standards and expectations realistic? If you can think of sensible reasons why you should be doing something, or if you are able to weigh the costs and benefits, then this is not an automatic thought, it is a logical conclusion. However, if you make should statements without any thinking behind them, then these are automatic thoughts and they can have negative impacts as outlined above.
Automatic thoughts: That TV programme about old people was very upsetting. Life is so cruel. It shouldn't be like this.
Possible answers: Things are as they are, and to want them to be different is unrealistic. Getting depressed about it is not going to change the situation. Why not see if there is something I can do to help, for example, visiting someone in the old people's home down the road.
 |
| Picture source: http://zerotolerancetonegativethinking.com/Should%20statements.htm |
No comments:
Post a Comment