4) Disqualifying The Positive

Disqualifying the positive is when you reject a positive experience by insisting that it "doesn't count" for one reason or another. You don't just ignore the experiences, but you swiftly turn them into their opposite, and by doing so you maintain your negative beliefs. David D. Burns calls this "reverse alchemy" because the medieval alchemists (early scientists) dreamed of finding some method for transmuting base metals into gold. If you are depressed, you are likely to have a talent for doing the exact opposite - you can instantly turn your golden joy into emotional lead. However, you do this unintentionally - in fact you are probably unaware that you are doing it!

For example a depressed person at a party will not only remember the person who ignored them, but they will also forget or downplay the others that chatted to them for hours, saying "oh they just felt sorry for me."

However, the most common example of this is the way most of us have been conditioned to respond to a compliment. When someone praises your looks or personality, you might automatically tell yourself. "they are just being nice." BOOM, you have just mentally disqualified their compliment. You do the same thing to them when someone thanks you and you say, "oh it was nothing, really." You are constantly disqualifying everything positive that is said to you... no wonder everything seems so gloomy!

Automatic thought: Louise only said that she liked my hair because she felt sorry for me.

Possible answers: Louise didn't have to say anything about my hair, but she chose to. She has no reason to lie to me or to feel sorry for me so therefore I can believe her and feel happy about the compliment!

Picture source: http://yaelweinberg.com/517188